One week until article about deadlines is due. No problem; is loads of time. Would start immediately, except, much like childbirth, you cannot force creativity. It happens when it’s ready to happen. Well, technically you can force childbirth, but you know what I mean: forcing creativity would result in boring article. Which is not to say, of course, that forcing childbirth results in boring child. Omigod, Kimmery, please focus. Maybe will have snack now.
Six days. Not yet time to actually write but is fine to brainstorm about topic a bit. Deadlines are … deadlines are … I hate deadlines. Perhaps could do ten-point list on logistical management or something? No, that’s insane; anyone with time to read a ten-point plan for dealing with deadlines would probably be the sort of person who would complete the work as soon as assigned and would therefore not need a bullet list for emergency management of deadlines, while meanwhile the sort of person who would need a list of planning strategies (i.e., me) would be too panicked to implement said list because it would be far too late by the time she read it. So…that’s a nonstarter.
Five days. Had brilliant idea earlier while driving and now it’s gone.
Four days. Is fine.
Three days. Cannot be blamed for current situation because did actually sit down and open new file called DEADLINES!!!! before noticing that crappy wifi is out again, resulting in weepy argument with moronic internet service provider who seemed unfamiliar with basic concepts such as wifi, the internet, and for that matter, computers. Then all the people came home and wanted to be fed dinner AGAIN. Cannot work like this.
Two days. Gah!!!!
One day. Is due tomorrow.
Is due in an hour.
Kimmery’s Ten Three Point Schedule for Dealing with Deadlines:
Pretend The Deadline Is Three Days Earlier Than It Actually Is
Do Not Allow Self Any Fun Until Work Completed
Approach Deadlines As A Creative Challenge Rather Than Insufferable Burd—-what? No. This is dreadful; no one would ever dot his. Fingers are seizing up; can not type. Fifteen minutes. Situation dire.
Hmmm. Google articles all say number one priority when planning for deadlines is to care about the deadline. How the f*** is that helpful? This is why I did not write a list in the first place.
Nine minutes. Am doomed.
Inspiration has struck! Will write article about writing article on deadlines. Is very meta.
Voila! Is done! Possibly a smidge late, but a raging success, all things considered. Everyone will enjoy this article, either because it provides a blueprint of what not to do in the face of deadlines… or… well, I’m sure everyone will enjoy. You’re welcome!